The Story of Hugh

Here's the story of how Hugh Steven entered our family. Sit back and get comfy... It's a long story.

I'm on Baby Center quite often for their various groups. The two that I frequent the most are the Adoptive Families group and the May 2010 group (Gus's birth board).

Back at the end of June 2012, I had posted on a comment in the AF group about adopting out of state. I said that when we adopted it was a much longer wait and it's something to keep in mind when considering adopting out of state.

Well, I received a PM (private message) through BC (Baby Center) from someone asking me to give more info about adopting out of state. When I replied, I shared our story of ICPC hell in Michigan. She she told me that she was expecting and working with an agency for the placement of the baby. She wanted to know my thoughts on out of state adoption because she was thinking about considering adoptive parents from out of state.

Since this was June (almost July), and we weren't planning on starting the adoption process until October/November, I figured it couldn't hurt to ask her for some feedback on our blog.

I asked her if she'd be willing to look at our blog and give me some feedback. I told her that we weren't looking to adopt just yet, and I was thinking that since she was with an agency, there was no harm in asking for her help. Who better to give feedback than someone who doesn't know you, has no reason to sugar coat anything, and is in the situation where she can give first-hand advice. I figured I had absolutely nothing to lose, and I was right.

She wrote back (through PM) and said that she loved our blog. Se said she didn't have anything negative and she would love someone like us to adopt her baby. I said that if she was serious, we could talk more through email and not through BC. I gave her my email and waited to hear back from her.

My mom and dad came down for the Fourth of July and I mentioned the situation to my mom and she said to keep her posted on things. I said I wasn't hopeful since I had not heard back from her.

Like a week or two later, on BC I got a message from her (B) saying that she hoped she had not scared me away and that she had sent me several emails and didn't hear back from me.

I immediately freaked out. I had been checking my email with the hopes of hearing from her, and was a bit disappointed that she had not emailed. So I went to Gmail and looked and sure enough, there were several emails from her!

We started off by getting to know each other and learn more about what kind of adoption she wanted. She we were not actively looking to adopt yet, we didn't have a completed home study, and weren't prepared at all.

I cautiously brought up the whole thing to Steve one night and he was very leery. I said that we didn't have to make up our minds yet, but to pray about it and give it some serious thought. He agreed that he would and I trusted him.

I don't remember exactly when we officially matched with B, but it was sometime in August. Wen we went home for Labor Day, we shared our possible adoption situation with our families. Both sides were very excited and eager to see how it would all unfold.

The major difference with this adoption and the adoption of Gus was with Gus, we had my cousin Jessica who knew Sharon and they could both vouch for both sides. We trusted that Jessica wouldn't steer us wrong. With this one, we knew no one who could vouch for B. It was scary.

We proceeded through each month getting closer and closer to B along the way. I found myself having so much in common with her and sharing similar beliefs. Never once did she make me feel like she was uncertain about placing her baby with us, and she viewed the adoption as if she were a surrogate. We both watched The Baby Wait (a tv show on LOGO network that showed a different adoption story each week) and would discuss our thoughts on the various episodes. I was always amazed to hear how strong her conviction was about adoption. She said that if she wasn't 100% certain that adoption is what was best, she never would have matched with anyone.

In August we started the home study process. Not only did we sell our house in NC just after being contacted by B, but when we looked at prices for the home study, it all kept coming together with lower and lower costs because it was just an update and not a new home study.

We were reminded again of the PITA (pain in the ass) process of gathering millions of required documents. By mid-September we were ready to have the home study visit. Our visit happened in October and by November we had our report completed. It literally went off without a hitch.

Finding an attorney in GA was simple and finding the attorney in NC was also easy. It was all coming together perfectly.

As each passing week and month happened, we started to grow more and more anxious. For so long, December 17th seemed like an eternity away, and before we knew it we were trying to figure out where we'd be staying in NC.

Here are some things that make me believe this was all meant to be:
- I never have personal email in my spam. Her emails were in my spam folder
- We got an offer on our NC house just after B contacted us
- Our home study was less than ever expected or anticipated
- When I asked if anyone had a condo that we could rent in Dec, my former parent, Judy, messaged me and said that her sister had a condo onetime beach and she'd be willing to let us use it for less than $50 a night. AND we could have it as long as we needed it... Because with ICPC you never know how long you'll have to stay in the state that you're adopting from.

B said she wanted us in the delivery room with her and wanted Steve to cut the cord. She never did any drugs and took care of herself while pregnant. She was "a dream" and the situation was too good to be true. Steve was waiting for something to happen and said that until the was a baby, he was not getting excited.

Each appointment got us more and more anxious and stressed. I had a melt-down due to me trying to control things out of my control and being stressed. I just asked God to take it all and do what He needed and to give me strength and patience.

Well, as we got closer and closer to December 17th, the anticipation grew and I begged Steve to take the week of the 17th off, and just head to NC. I figured I'd rather be there and have a two hour drive to her, than to get the call and have a 10 hour drive. Thankfully, we were able to come to NC on the 15th (Saturday). We had time to relax and get some groceries and then we waited for the call. 

Another thing that was causing me stress was what I was going to do with Gus. The original plan was to take him to my friend Kristen's house. This was before we knew we'd be coming to NC before the birth. Had she gone into labor before the 17th, we were going to drive to Holly Springs, drop off Gus with Kristen and then drive to Greenville for the birth. Then we'd be going back to Holly Springs and picking up Gus to bring him to the hospital before heading to the beach.

Since we were going to NC before the baby arrived, it made no sense to go to the beach, drive four hours west to Kristen's, then back east two hours to Greenville, when we were three hours south of Greenville. I just didn't know what to do with Gus. He couldn't be at the hospital with us, and we tried to get friends of ours that live in NC to come to the beach house to stay with Gus. Everything I tried busted and wouldn't work.
 
I'm in a group on FB of moms who have kids born in May of 2010. They're called the May Monsters. They all met through iVillage and one of them went to high school with Steve (her name is Beth). She invited me to join the May Monsters group about a year ago, and I've been relatively active. I read and post and comment and that's always been enough for me. I had not met any of them in person. So I shared our situation on there and a woman named Nikki said that she lived in NC and was willing to help if we needed anything. I jokingly said, "Okay, I've got most everything planned out, but you can be my Plan B.

So when we decided to head to NC early, we needed a better plan with Gus. She told me where she lived, and it was (literally) on the way to the hospital from the beach house. We would have to pass her house. So I told her that she might become my plan A and she said no problem! Steve talked to Beth (because Beth has physically met Nikki and could vouch for her) and I talked to Nikki via text. It all came together beautifully, and she was an angel that appeared when we needed her most. We had our plan and I trusted Nikki with my sweet boy.

So on Tuesday, December 18th, B had an appointment and was hoping they'd admit her. She had been having mild contractions since Thursday the 13th and they were building and building but not constant. On Tuesday, she was 40 weeks and a day and was MORE than ready to be done.

At 8:00 pm, she called and said, "Are you ready to have a baby?" We immediately got in the car and headed to Nikki's. We called immediate family and told them that we were headed to the hospital and we'd keep them updated as things progressed.

Dropping off Gus was hard. I knew he was in safe hands, but the reality hit that we were on our a to FINALLY meet Bdub (a name for the baby that B coined... Stands for Baby Walker). We didn't know if the baby was a boy or a girl, but B was pretty sure it was a girl. Nikki promised to take care of him, not as a babysitter, but as a second mom. She said she'd spoil him and keep him as happy and occupied as possible, and boy did she ever! She sent pictures every few hours that absolutely filled my heart. I knew he was in the best possible hands, and he had so much fun with Nikki, her husband Tom, and their four kiddos.

We arrived at the hospital at 11:30pm and we were excited. I don't remember being nervous. I was just really eager to finally meet B.

When we walked in, we immediately hugged and I felt so at home. It was surreal and I just felt so comfortable being there with her. I stayed up with her all night, and we spent hours taking and laughing. We laughed and laughed more than I can remember in a long time.

She had her eipdural around 5am. Steve and I went to grab something to eat in the hospital cafeteria, and when we came back, there were a ton of people in the room with her and we still weren't allowed in. She had almost passed out and the baby's heart rate had dropped. They were able to stabilize everything and we went back in after a few more minutes.

The remainder of the morning was spent trying to sleep. It was so uncomfortable (physically), so neither of us slept much. B was able to get some sleep, but she was having contractions and was hungry, so her sleep wasn't great either.

Around 11:30 on Wednesday morning, she started feeling more pressure and she thought her water broke. The nurse grabbed a doctor and she confirmed that yes, the water had broke and she was 100% and at a 9! She said, "Let's go deliver your baby!

We moved to the delivery room, they got us suited up and we eagerly waited to be allowed to head into the room with her. Anytime I have to leave the house, or there's something big happening, I always have to use the bathroom-- it's just how I'm programmed. So I immediately had to go to the bathroom, but there wasn't time, or a place to go. So I was focusing on that, and was worried that I'd not be able to hold it through the delivery.


 




While we waited in the little side room, I seriously thought I was going to pass out. I got overheated and was really hot. I had to put cold water on my forehead twice because I could feel myself getting close to passing out. I think it was a mixture of being pumped full of Adrenalin and being super tired and hungry.

Around 12:15 they called us into the room and we awkwardly moved where they told us. We didn't know where to look and didn't want to see too much, lol. Poor B was on the table and was fully exposed (except for the gown over her chest). She didn't seem to care though-- she had other things she was focused on.

We eventually were moved to the front of where she was (just behind her head) and stood there waiting for Bdub's arrival. I had to keep watching the clock and concentrating on the heart beat monitor because I was seriously feeling sick. I was trying to stay strong, but I was really anxious and nervous.

At 12:30 she started pushing and at 12:59pm on Wednesday, December 19th, the nurse said, "Do you see???" I peeked over B and saw a wee baby and... It was a BOY!!!

 

 Steve got to cut the cord and we cried and cried tears of joy. It was the most incredible experience of my life. To be there for the birth of my son was truly awesome. When he started crying, I burst into tears and hugged Steve. We wanted a healthy baby and his first cry let us know that he was good.

We stayed in the delivery room while everyone came and checked his vitals and got his weight and measurements. I was the first to hold him and it was such an honor.

 

 Hugh Steven was born at 12:59pm, weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces and was 21 inches long.

We headed back to the room with B and while she got her things and was transported to the recovery room, we followed the nurse to our room. We were right next to B.

The rest of the day was spent laughing, talking, and enjoying the moment. B napped for a bit and we headed out for dinner. We went to Outback Steakhouse and enjoyed an amazing dinner and we talked about our day. On the way back to the hospital, we stopped at Taco Bell and got B some steak nachos.

This is Hugh after a bath:

We spent the first night at the hospital with Hugh and it was so great. He's such a good little baby. He sleeps four hours at a time! He had a hard time sucking at first, but the night nurse came in and helped us.
 



We had hoped to be able to go home on Thursday, but the pediatrician said he had to stay the required 48 hours. B was released on Thursday afternoon, but she wanted to stay for dinner.

We were all three treated to a celebration dinner of rib eye steaks, steamed veggies, a salad, baked potato, roll, and a thick piece of cake.


We all toasted Hugh and enjoyed an incredible dinner together. It was a celebration indeed! I can't even describe how enjoyable our time with B was. Not only do we love her for choosing us to parent Hugh, but we love her for who she is and are so blessed to be part of her life forever. As a token of our love and appreciation, we gave her a necklace. It's very special and one that we hope will always remind her of our love for her and that she's always connected to us and to Hugh.

When she was released, we were sad to see her go. She promised to come up on Friday to visit and we were eager for her to return!

We settled in and enjoyed our second night at the hospital. We missed Gustafer but knew he was being taken care of by Nikki and her husband Tom. She sent me pictures every few hours of what they were doing and it relieved my heart to know he was happy and safe.


Hugh and our favorite nurse. :-)

On Friday, Hugh was taken to get his circumcision and as soon as he returned, B arrived. She looked so good- happy and rested. :-) She had a gift for us, and Steve opened it and it was an ornament with all four of our names. So thoughtful of her and it is our first gift with Hugh's name on it.

She also gave us two outfits, and one was what he wore home. The other is an adorable Christmas outfit. :-)

 

B and Hugh

 

 

The mamas

 

Steve, Hugh, and B

 

Us ready to go get Gus!

We said goodbye and headed out of the hospital eager to go pick up Gus. He was super excited to see us and meet his baby brother.



We had a chance to visit with Nikki and her family for a bit and then we got ready to head back to the beach. She took a picture of us, and it's the very first picture of us as a family of four!

We had Steve's dad and Sue Ann come down to the beach to see us and then my parents came down just after Christmas. We were there until January 3rd. We got the okay to head back to GA at 3pm on Thursday, January 3rd, 2013. We arrived at 12:30am on Friday the 14th.